Guidelines for Divorced & Separated Parents

  

DEAR PARENTS:

As you know, divorce or parental separation usually has a significant impact on the children.  They are deprived of the proper, full-time guidance that two parents can give - guidance and direction essential to their moral and spiritual growth.

During your divorce proceedings and thereafter it is highly desirable that you abstain from making unkind remarks about each other.  Recognize that such remarks are not about either of you, but are about one of your children's parents.  Such comments have an adverse effect upon the children.

It is urged that both parents cooperate in order that mutual decisions concerning the interest of the children may be made objectively.  The parent who has custody of the children should urge them to find time to be with the other parent and encourage them to realize that both parents have affection for them and contribute to their support.  The non-custodial parent should recognize that their plans for visitation must be adjusted from time to time in order to accommodate the planned activities of the children.  Visitation should be a pleasant experience rather than a duty.  Cooperation in giving notice and promptness in maintaining hours of visitation will minimize the potential for future problems and disagreements.

Although there may be some bitterness between the two of you, it should not be inflicted upon your children.  In every child's mind, there must and should be an image of two good parents.  Your future conduct with your children will be helpful to them if you follow these guidelines.

  
I. Do Not:
A. Do not poison your children's mind against you former spouse by discussing his/her shortcomings.
B. Do not use your visitation as an excuse to continue arguments with your former spouse.
C. Do not visit your children if you have been drinking.
D. Do not deny visitation because child support has not been received.
E. Do not fail or refuse to pay child support because of visitation problems.
F. Do not make promises to the children you cannot or will not keep.
G. Do not attempt to cut off the children's communication with their grandparents or other relatives and friends with whom they have a close relationship.
H. Do not lose your temper or become involved in unpleasantness in the presence of the children.
  
II. Do:
A. Be discreet when you expose your children to anyone with whom you may be emotionally involved.
B. Notify your former spouse as soon as possible if you are unable to keep your visitation.  It is unfair to keep your children waiting, and worse to disappoint them by not coming at all.
C. Make your visitation pleasant for your children by not questioning them regarding the activities of your former spouse and by not making extravagant promises which you know you cannot or will not keep.
D. Minimize the amount of time the children are in the care of strangers or relatives.
E Strive to provide spiritual well-being, heath, happiness and safety for your children.
F. Make child support payments on time.  It is unfair to the children for their support payments to be late.
G. Treat each of your children equally.
H. Treat your children and your former spouse as you would have them treat you.
  
III. General:
  A. The parent with whom the children live must prepare them both physically and emotionally for the visitation.  The children should be available at the time mutually agreed upon.
B. If one parent has plans for the children that conflict with the visitation but are in the best interest of the children, be adults and work out the problem together.
C. Arrangements should be made through visitation to provide the custodial parent with some time away from the children.  The custodial may want to utilize this time for relaxation and recreation.  Upon return, he/she will be refreshed and better prepared to resume the role as head of the household.  This can be achieved by extending visitation periods, such as weekends and vacation.
  

  
                                                 B
ILL OF RIGHTS FOR
                                        CHILDREN IN DIVORCE ACTION

 
            1. The right to be treated as important human beings, with unique feelings,
               ideas and desires, and not as a source of argument between parents.
 
           2. The right to a continuing relationship with both parents, and the freedom
              to receive love from and express love for both.
 
            3. The right to express love and affection for each parent without having
                 to stifle that love because of fear of disapproval by the other parent.
 
               4. The right to know that their parent's decision to divorce is not their
                    responsibility, that they will live with one parent and will visit the other.
 
                   5. The right to continuing care and guidance from both parents.
 
                      6. The right to honest answers about the changing relationships.
 
                         7. The right to know and appreciate what is good in each parent without
                                one parent degrading the other.
 
                            8. The right to have a relaxed, secure relationship with both parents without
                                  being placed in a position to manipulate one parent against the other.
 
                              9. The right to have the custodial parent not undermine
                                  visitation by suggesting tempting alternatives or
                                   by threatening to withhold visitation as a
                                  punishment for the children's wrongdoing.
 
                             10. The right to be able to experience regular and
                                  consistent visitation, and the right to know the
                                reason for a cancelled visit.